“I am not this hair. I am not this skin. I am the soul that lives within.”
~ Rumi
What does it mean to live an authentic life? To be “whole”? To fearlessly bare our imperfectly, perfect soul to the world around us?
My villa guests invited me up for coffee yesterday morning. They wanted to know about island life, and to hear my ‘story’. We enjoyed a beautiful conversation, sharing tidbits of our lives.
As I was departing, I thanked them for the invitation, and commented that I don’t often have such an opportunity to interact with my guests.
“Spencer usually handles the front of the house, while I handle more of the back of the house … Inquiries, email, accounting, that sort of stuff. He’s more of a people person than I am.”
To which my guest replied: “I can hardly imagine that!”
It’s one of the nicest compliments I have ever received.
I began to wonder why I’ve come to believe this about myself?
I was a social chairperson for my sorority. I majored in hospitality in college. I’ve worked in retail and the service industry most of my life.
For whatever reason, it’s become the current default mode in my relationship. Spencer has often voiced my “discomfort” in dealing with people. Yet, does this perceived “discomfort” only arise, because I’m not given the opportunity? It makes me sad, that my partner views me in this way, because it’s slowly, insidiously becoming how I view myself.
Is my authentic self being drowned out in the relationship?
The “me” that often shows up with the “we” isn’t the “I”?
The “me” that shows up to my partner, my parents, my friends, to clients, to guests, to strangers. This person – who I am, who I’ve been – has often been relational. This is not authentic.
This is the me of perception: A prism, a kaleidoscope, a different color, depending upon how she is turned, very few ever seeing the whole.
What a beautiful reminder of one of the most important lessons that Buddha taught. Anatta: There is no permanent, abiding self. The ego is not the soul.
Every single day, every single moment, we are given the opportunity to rewrite who we believe that ‘we’ are. To move towards our authentic, whole self …
It’s taken a lot of introspection to even reach this point: To see – my self – my soul – our mutual soul – more clearly. And so I will continue on, this seemingly dark and confused path …. Searching for light and wholeness.
How about you?
